


Lay Your Weary Head To Rest

by solsix



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Mid-Credits Scene, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Other, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Spoilers, 中文翻译 | Translation in Chinese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solsix/pseuds/solsix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Bucky is tired, Steve understands, and not knowing is enough OR the one where we try to be okay with the mid-credits scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lay Your Weary Head To Rest

**Author's Note:**

> civil war gave me even more bucky barnes feels and i'm not sure how much more i can handle.
> 
> title from _carry on my wayward son_ by kansas.
> 
> Translations available [here](http://aofanyi.lofter.com/post/1dcceed7_aeb0efa) and [here](http://www.movietvslash.com/thread-199262-1-1.html).

_This is his choice_ , Steve reminds himself, shoving his hands roughly into the too tight pockets of his pants and leaning heavily against the table closest to him. The edge presses uncomfortable into his thighs and his body screams at yet another ache to add to his collection, not even the super serum helping to ease the battering that his body had recently been through. Then again, he’s sure some of his new scars will ever heal. Bringing his eyes up, they catch sight of his friend once more and his insides jump as through he’s just thrown himself off a building, harshly reminding him of why he can never look too hard or for too long.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Bucky says quietly when he sees Steve looking to him, looking down at the remnants of his arm with nothing more than a mild curiosity. As he says those words, they sound as though they’re merely what he thinks everyone wants to hear, what Steve wants to hear, and he looks around the room for approval before settling on his old friend. He shrugs, shakes his head and frowns, that dark hair waving around darker eyes that have seen too much, “Not as much as last time, anyway.” He gives a small smile and, again, Steve sees the 1930s written in the wrinkled lines of his face…but it’s just not the same; it’s reserved and out of place, faltering as soon as Bucky thinks nobody is looking.

Steve doesn’t know what to say in return. He simply folds his arms across his chest and walks towards the soldier, his hand moving to the back of Bucky’s neck comfortingly. He feels the initial tension, sees the way his shoulders square off and his chin rises, before Bucky becomes pliant to his touch and closes his eyes slowly. “M’tired, Steve,” he whispers, and Steve can hear it lacing his voice like too-thick syrup. He’s heard it before. He’d heard it in the first few moments when they found each other, when it didn’t have to end in a fight but it always did. He’d heard it when Bucky sat behind him with sad eyes and thoughts that wouldn’t slow down, when he didn’t think that the fight of keeping him balanced with the worth of having him. He’d heard it in the admittance that he remembered hundreds of victims, when the arm of a man with a familiar face tried to end the life that he was just trying to live.

“How are you feeling?” Steve finally goes with, stepping into Bucky’s sightline and folding his arms once more.

Bucky only shrugs again, looking to the technicians at the side who do nothing more than continue with their business. Wakanda is a good place with good people, and no one has tried to shoot him in the entire time he’s been here. That doesn’t matter though, not now. “I don’t know,” he mumbles, swallowing hard and feeling his throat scratch uncomfortably. Steve doesn’t push, not this time, and Bucky is relieved that _“I don’t know”_ is finally enough, pulling his gaze upwards and locking eyes with the man who’s keeping him safe. He sees his eyes fill and watches as that pristine facade crumbles for a split second, knowing what’s coming before the words can even leave Steve’s mouth.

“Are you sure about this?” Steve asks quietly, only a well trained ear being able to catch the way his voice breaks on the last syllable.

Bucky gives a curt nod and forces a half-smile. He doesn’t know much, but, god, he knows this. “I can’t trust my own mind,” he says, giving a shake of his head and letting out a shaky breath, “So until they figure out how to get this stuff outta my head, I think going back under is the best thing…” He’s exhausted, physically and emotionally, and it feels like a wave of relief washes over him as he finishes with a short, “For everybody.”

 _This is his choice_ , Steve reminds himself again, because, as if on cue, the technician moves to Bucky and gently ushers him into the cryofreeze chamber without a second look back. He can only watch as Bucky gives the smallest of smiles in his direction and closes his eyes after the longest of days, his body relaxing entirely as the glass cover crystallises over and Steve feels his heart drop down in his chest.

It’s his choice, his own decision, and that’s the only thing that stops Steve from breaking open the chamber with his bare hands and bringing Bucky back to him again. All of it comes down to that; it all comes down to the power of being able to choose…and if Bucky has chosen this path, then so be it. Steve will do everything, and anything, possible to keep him safe (he’s already proven that one hundred times over), and he’s got people on his side that will do the very same thing for him. Wait, no, they’ll do it for Bucky, and if people dare to try and get to him, well, like T’Challa says, _let them try_.

**Author's Note:**

> at the time of writing this, i've seen civil war ~~four~~ ~~five~~ six times (send help) and i first needed to write this after viewing #1. it's all basically stemmed from the scene in the apartment where steve is like "this doesn't have to end in a fight" and bucky replies with "it always ends in a fight", all while un-gloving his hand, not because he wants to, but because he has to. then the mid-credits scene happened and i just cracked in the sense that "bucky barnes has been through hell several times over and he still doesn't get closure- what the f@%k?!" i just need to get this out so in my own little world i had some sense of it - bucky was able to choose this, and steve was able to be okay with it because his right to choose was exactly what he'd just been fighting for.
> 
> originally posted on may 6th 2016.


End file.
